Last night after I wrote that post about wedding vows I couldn't sleep.
I snuck into Sam's room, curled up in the rocking chair and just listened to her snore...I mean, breathe ever so delicately. It made me cry, the love can be so overpowering that you have for your child, I just want to do good by her. I want to give her the life she deserves, the home she deserves.
I tried going back to bed but after a few hours of laying there and doing the math as to how much sleep I could get before Sam woke up if I fell asleep right that minute I decided "screw it". I had too much emotion & thoughts pent up and needed to get them out. I didn't feel like journaling or blogging so I tried something I've never really done before. I painted. I had the supplies from when I was on bedrest at the end of my pregnancy. They've never really been put to good use...until last night.
I was sitting there with the blank canvas, thinking about what I wanted to put on there...crazy red angry paint? I sea of sad blues? But I just wanted to capture that sweet as candy love my little girl gives to me.
The text behind the image says,
"beautiful baby girl...
in chaos i find peace
sweet breath, smelly toes, my treasures.
protect you, love you & thank you.
you fulfill me in a way i did not
know i was empty.
sweet & sass, you are all i ever wanted.
love is only the beginning"
What a beautiful painting and poem. I often find comfort in my little boy as well when everything else seems to falling apart slowly.
ReplyDeleteHe's the one that hears me cry and comes up and sits in my lap to hug me.
That unbreakable bond between a baby and a mother.
That is so beautiful! What a wonderful way to portray your great love for your little girl. I often find solace with a child or baby in my arms. The desire to give your baby the best life she could possibly have is a very powerful kick in the pants to making sure she gets it. There are always going to be times in life when you think you can't do it anymore. Those are the times you have to fight the hardest for what you want.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a beautiful painting! Your daughter will treasure it forever.
ReplyDeletewow! Beautiful painting and words. I to find comfort with my little girls.
ReplyDeleteI have had nights like that in the years we've been married, when I am so completely sure there is more out there for me.
ReplyDeleteThen I too, turn to my beautiful children, usually curl up into their tiny beds and remember what God gave me.
Hi Natasha,
ReplyDeleteI have read your blog for a bit now - I got turned onto it somehow through the radio show. I think your daughter is one of the most beautiful one-year-olds I've seen.
My husband and I have been married for over 3 years, and I'm still really young (25) to have babies. The thought of having children, though, always breeds dread, hesitancy, and sadly, even disgust within me. It really has to do with my own selfishness. I like living for myself, and I don't want anything else to get in the way of that. We don't even have any pets. I often wonder if I will ever feel READY or feel a true desire to be a mom. Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me because I don't have that desire.
However, your blog has begun to chip away at my hard child-loathing shell. The way you talk about the love of a mother, and the way you clearly adore your daughter has actually softened my heart. I even shed a couple of tears when reading this last post. I just want to say thank you for showing me a fresh side of motherhood, and for giving me something to look forward to. You seem like an incredible mother, and you should be very proud of yourself.
What a lovely sentiment you have created. You took all of your emotion and created a heirloom piece for your daughter. She is very lucky to have a mom who loves her with such depth. You are a great mother and your little angel is always going to be there for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful moving picture. I am glad that you are able to take your feelings and turn them into art work. I can't even draw, so you definitely have talent. I bet you can't wait for your daughter to grow up and can appreciate all the wonderul things you are doing for her.
ReplyDeleteI know that you have been in a "reflective thoughts" of late, but know that you are not alone and blogging about things can be a bit helpful.
I also know, that when I am down in the dumps, I can go look at my girls sleeping and it does wonders for the soul.
God Bless!
Wow! That is beautiful! I would never have guessed you hadn't done something like that before. The poem is lovely also. Sam will surely treasure that forever.
ReplyDelete