We just came back from a really great Memorial Day/Birthday weekend at the beach & on the car ride home from the airport my husband & I had an interesting conversation. He asked if he could blog about it & I said "Sure, why not. My fingers are tired anyway."
"HELP WANTED: This Father's Day"
I finally think I get it, I finally understand why being a polygamist could be kind of awesome & actually outweigh the possible public shaming of having multiple wives.
Before you read this and think that I'm a 'typical male' that wants to be waited on, taken care of, and sleep with lots of incredibly hot women.. I'm not. Well, I mean, I am. I'd LOVE that, but it's not realistic.
The opposite really. My new revelation actually has nothing to do with sex.
This past weekend was my wife's 31st 25th birthday. She loves spending the weekend with friends & family, so we decided to take a trip to Clearwater Beach, just outside of Tampa. We bought tickets for ourselves, our two kids and Megan. My wife's best friend.Nana & Pop-pop would watch our kids, while we would enjoy a weekend at the beach with friends.
It took getting there and back with two kids, two car-seats, 5 bags, and a back-pack full of princesses to realize the major benefits to 'un-sexual polygamy.'I'm not a fan of Cody from the TLC sister wives show. I don't know how with a good conscience he can move from room to room, have relations, then face his other wives the next day. I'd be terrified, I mean, incredibly guilt stricken.
But I do understand how their help with daily life makes everyone happier.
Megan also has two kids of her own, but they didn't come on this trip. She wanted to tag along for a much deserved girls weekend.
On the flight there she was able to help pick up some of the work which then allowed my wife to be more easy-going (airplane trips usually end with snippy remarks or what I call 'the look'). My wife, being happier, then helped the attitude of the children who can read her like a book. Happy kids = un-stressed Dad (and 142 other passengers on our flight). See, everyone wins?
What was the benefit for Megan? We paid for her flight, food and hotel. So, for all intensive purposes my family welcomed her.
Could this be the best, worst-kept secret ever?
Could this work with multiple husbands? My initial reaction is no, but it's open for discussion.
I would think that guys, who are wired to want to solve problems and overcome obstacles, might be more likely to butt heads before reaching a solution. I imagine a family unit would look more like Animal Planet than a finely-tuned machine like mine.
And I kept thinking...
Other times having multiple partners would have a benefit over just one:
* There's always someone to hold your place in line.
* Shoveling a large snowy driveway
* Fighting off an alien attack
* Working on a large puzzle
* Taking turns watching Dora moves to every third time (at the very least)
* Hanging holiday decorations
* Designated driver
There are certain events and special things I would only want to share with my wife, but perhaps there could be middle ground. A happy place between being married to one person and having the help of many. Minus the kitchen awkwardness after we all just heard you have sex with your 5th wife. Or maybe we should just hire a cleaning lady & call it a day.
OMG, that was hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing. Between the fighting aliens and the awkwardness of sex with the 5th wife..ha. lmao. Thanks so much for the laugh. Happy Birthday!! You're so lucky to have such a funny husband.
ReplyDeleteJessica
I totally understand that! I love hanging out with my firendsnthat love kids, but have no kids ofntheir own! We flew my husbands sister out to go to Disney world with us and it was SO nice! I definitely recommend a family/friend/nanny for all family trips with young kids!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a great birthday. I call it the 3rd anniversary of my 25th birthday :-)
seriously made me laugh...sounds like you need a nanny! :)
ReplyDeleteHA! Very funny. But I think one point that you are missing is that's what girlfriends are for. When I am over at my girlfriend's places I always do as much as I can with their kids or anything to help. That's just what we do.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need multiple partners, you just need to have more vacations with friends!
Loved this! I have told my husband before that I wouldn't mind if he picked up a few extra wives, particularly if they like organizing and doing laundry. Of course he wouldn't be allowed to sleep with them so they'd hardly be wives... I guess a nanny and housekeeper would do :)
ReplyDeleteHa! My friends and I have talked about this before. The one benefit we added is that our husband(s) would not need to listen to us complain, because we'd already have done that w/ the wife!
ReplyDeleteLove you Kane!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL!! Thanks for the laugh!! This is so true, though. When my sis comes into town, my hubs always says she is welcome anytime. She cooks, cleans & entertains the kids...marvelous. I think what I need is a full-time nanny...or at least a travel nanny. Then we might be inclined to take more airplane trips. (I fully understand the snippyness & "looks"...something about airplane travel brings out the best, eh?)
ReplyDeleteI can say from experience that you are correct. It's the best. Totally kidding, my "sister wife" is my 19 year old niece that is living with us while she goes to college. All those times you wish you had a clone because you simply can not fold the laundry, clean the bathroom, feed the kids, wash the dishes & change a diaper all at the same time, and heaven forbid your husband should do it because then you'd just have to go fix what he had done- sister wife to the rescue!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love it!
I don't usually go around flaunting it because I am LDS & people have all sorts of incorrect assumptions, no we do not practice polygamy. But, yes. Get yourself a sister wife (or an au pair)if at all possible.
I often tell my husband that I wish I had a wife to take care of me... haha. I see those junkmails for a hot Russian bride and I think, I could go for a Russian bride, not so much a hot one, I'd probably rip her hair or something, but a mediocre looking russian bride I could handle.
ReplyDeleteSamster Daddy is just about as cool as Samster Mommy! He should have a monthly guest post.
ReplyDeletetoo funny and so well written - a joy to read. I have another solution, though, an au pair - a live-in nanny from abroad. Tone
ReplyDeleteUm, you know a nanny or personal assistant does all of those things, too...
ReplyDeleteSo true. Susan and I have discussed this many times. The only problem is that we couldn't figure out how to multiply wives without multiplying kids. You have the right idea. Also, in all of our extolling of the virtues of polygamy, we never once came up with the DD benefit! Score.
ReplyDeleteFunny guy. hope Natasha has some fun. BTW--happy birthday Natasha! I know where Clearwater Beach is! I have lived there. In fact I have lived in Largo, Clearwater and New Port Richey. (My oldest daughter was born in N.P.R.)
ReplyDeleteEvery time I watch Sister Wives, I consider how helpful it would be. And honestly? If I could get out of sex some, I would be happy to share... she just has to be fatter than me. And he has to love me more. As long as I know I'm #1, I'm cool. The other situation in which I would really, really like a sister wife? Sick kid. We just spend the night with the stomach bug in our house. :(
ReplyDeleteI always talk to my husband about this! I told him (joking) that he should get another wife so I can have more time with him!! :o) okay.. maybe a nanny would work too!
ReplyDeleteKane- they are called Nannies. I am one and sometimes I wonder what the mothers role in the family is when I do nearly everything, and then I remember...its just to have sex with her husband.
ReplyDeletethis is too funny! I wish I had a sister wife as well. It would make running errands so much easier... But sharing the husband thing would NOT work for me ( i guess I just want a fun nanny around :))
ReplyDeleteI am with Sascha, You should have a monthly guest post :) Love it!
Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI think you just outed your wife as 56 years old... Good post though!
ReplyDelete"Intensive purposes"? Isn't "for all intents and purposes"?
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteIm your follower!
I really really liked your blog!
Keep up the good work!
Do visit mine too at http://aliascreativelife.blogspot.com/
Alia
Great perspective from your husband. I couldn't stop laughing. Mostly b/c everyone's husband says one time or another that multiple wives would be great, but in reality they would never be able to keep up!
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally agree with one poster above, we need weekly posts from Samster daddy :-)
Only a guy would think of extra help in a polygamist manner...it is called a nanny silly..you don't have to have relations with her, she would be on your payroll not your bedroll LOL Love seeing samsters daddy getting a post every once in awhile.
ReplyDelete