I've had a lot on my mind lately with this new baby, you guys know how much I've struggled with finding the right Dr, the right support system...well, happy doesn't even begin to cover how I feel today...
Over the last 2 weeks I've been researching the heck out of VBACs & medical practices. I've interviewed 3 different OB/GYN groups, which by the way having all those "meet the Dr." appts has royally sucked & I've felt like canceling every one because I'm just too busy, but after each one I went, "Wow, I'm SO glad I took an hour out of my day to do that!" You learn SO much, it's mind-blowing to me how different one Dr can be from the next. Some things one will absolutely not do, while the next will say it's perfectly safe. If you're having a baby I highly recommend looking around, take it from me, it'll SO be worth it in the end. So, all that to say I found a really great group that I'm very comfortable with, I think they'll be supportive of my wishes while still taking great medical care of the baby & me.
Although even after solidifying the Dr I still felt like I didn't quite have my "team" together, I trust this new Dr as much as I can trust a Dr. (I'm a bit gun-shy after my birth experience with Samster) But I still felt like I needed something else, since we're not using a midwife practice (because of the small but real VBAC risks I felt more comfortable with an OB) I started looking into what a Doula does. Basically her sole role is to be there to support mom, that's it. She doesn't deliver babies, doesn't do your exams, she's basically a super duper labor coach & friend. Someone who is trained in how to use massage, relaxation techniques, different labor positions...& is there to be mom's rock during the whole birth process. I know from my experience with Sam that I'm one who easily gets stressed out in situations I'm unfamiliar with. I need answers, knowledge, reassurance...then I can relax and get it done. So a doula sounded like it could be a good answer for me. When I asked around at the hospital I got some mixed reviews, apparently some Doulas (at least in my area) can be a bit abrasive & don't get along with the medical professionals. The last thing I need is my Dr & Doula having a confrontation while I'm in my 18th hour of pushing out a watermelon. I want a TEAM. Everyone at the hospital said there's one woman they love, in their words "The best Doula EVER". I called her up & was so excited to meet her, I HAD TO HAVE HER. But then I saw her price...let's just say OUCH. I don't really feel comfortable saying how much but let's just say on the Doula price scale she was at the high end. I found out this is because she's done over 800 births & specializes in high risk ones. (Doulas typically only take on 2-3 clients a month so I guess that's why they have to charge so much.) Long story short I was bummed & really didn't think it was going to work out, I told P that I couldn't justify it & I'd just have to get over it.
Later that day I working in my craft room while Sam was sleeping when P came home from the grocery store. He said, I know you're bummed so I got you a card. I thought, "Aw, that's nice." but when he handed me the card it weighed far more than a normal card should. I gave him a funny look & he nodded for me to open it. It said it was from "The Doula Fairy" and when I opened the card a handful of cash fell out! He wrote something sweet along the lines of "Thank you for being such a supportive wife, I want you to have the birth you dreamed of & know it's important to you...book the doula." Of course my already schizophrenic pregnancy hormones went into overdrive & I started sobbing. I think it's the sweetest, most meaningful thing he's ever done.
Sooo, as of now the doula is booked, our Dr is set & now we'll just have to let nature take it's course. I realize that having the right "team" doesn't necessarily mean I'll get the birth I want but it does mean that no matter what happens I'll be able to look back & know that I did everything I could. That's the part I've had the hardest time letting go of with Samster, I just gave into the excitement of meeting her & anxiety of the end of pregnancy & gave into a surgery that I didn't necessarily need. This time I can know I'll at least have the peace of mind that if I do have another c-section it will be because it was out of my hands & absolutely medically necessary. No doubts, 2nd guesses, I'll just be able to cuddle my new one & move on. At least that's what I'm hoping for...
*By the way a HUGE MASSIVE thank you to all of you who have emailed me & commented with your birth experiences & advice. Helpful doesn't even begin to describe how much it's meant to me, I couldn't have learned so much without it. Thanks for being such good friends. (:
Oh, that story made me cry! What a sweet, generous husband to do that for you! I always said that if I had another child I would do things differently and stand up for myself more. I would insist we try more things to get her here without a C-section. I never did have another one so I don't know how things would have turned out. But I am so happy when I hear other mothers get to at least plan for the birth they are wanting. All the best to you!
ReplyDeleteahhhh I love it! First of all thumbs up to your husband for understanding how important this is to you! I also think your attitude about it is perfect! You are right, it may not end exactly how you want (but it may!) and you will know you did everything you could! Congrats momma! Now go read lots of empowering books and stay away from A Baby Story :)
ReplyDeleteGot a lil tear reading that story!!! Your husband Rocks!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have your team together - feeling some peace while pregnant is the best gift ever.
Can't wait to find out what you're having!!!!! Spill it already! haha!
That really says a lot about how good of a relationship you have with your husband. He wants you to have the best experience and is willing to sacrifice so that it goes well for you. That's awesome and he's a great guy! I wish I had known about a doula, especially with my first and second babies.
ReplyDeleteAwww, your husband is awesome for doing that for you! That is so sweet. I would've loved to have a doula for my birth (I ended up alone in the delivery room because my DH was sick, my mother's boss wouldn't let her leave work and my godmother showed up 5 minutes after she was born because she lives 35 minutes away).
ReplyDeleteYour husband is so sweet! I hope this birth is everything you want it to be. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are so welled prepared. Things are falling into place for sweet baby #2 and you. And what a wonderful husband.He loves and cares about you so much. You are a very blessed woman. Really looking foward to hearing more about this extra special "Doula" that will be with you during this upcoming fabulous delivery. This really interests me. I am past baby years, but, feel a twinge of something exciting when I think about the possibility of being a Doula, myself?? I am going to look into this. I think I would dearly love it!!! Thanks so much for your openess and honesty. Good luck to you and your family during this really special time.
ReplyDeleteAw so sweet! Be sure to let us know how the doula works out for you -- my best friend is considering becoming a doula since she's witnessed a dozen or so births already while working at a home for pregnant women. I think it's excellent! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story, so nice of your husband!
ReplyDeleteYou have a fantastic husband! I was going to hire a doula my self for a v-bac. They are wonderful. I am looking into taking classes to become a doula. As someone who has had 2 c-sections I totally understand how important having a team on your side for the the birth you want.
ReplyDeleteYou've definitely got a keeper on your hands! That's so awesome that your husband understands the significance of that. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that everything goes smoothly. It sounds like you've got the right attitude and ultimately just want a healthy, happy baby. Good luck with the delivery! I can't wait to hear how things went!
ReplyDeleteMade me tear up, too! ... oh, those hormones. Congrats!
ReplyDeletewhat an awesome hubby...glad I wasn't the only one tearing up while reading this post. I am pregnant too, though, so that's a small excuse. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's so sweet! I wish you good luck. I had two successful vbacs (sans doula, sadly).
ReplyDeleteI had a doula for the birth of my son a year ago. I ended up having a C-section, but I will say that Betsy was the best thing that we could have ever done. She was supportive of me and my wishes, but also helped to direct my husband when he needed it, give my husband a break to eat something, and just helped to reassure us that everything would be ok. It's so worth the money. You won't be disappointed!
ReplyDeleteI got tears reading that story too! I hope it all goes smoothly!!
ReplyDeleteas fopr VBAC, look at Michelle Duggar, shes had 19 kids and some of them- I think like 3, were C-sections and she managed to have a lot of VBAC.
And talking about baby instead of crafts, I LOVE reading about your baby news, or anything, even about your Mac in the hospital. It doesnt always have to be about crafts, anything will do!
Amanda
That's amazing, and it's not just hormones, that made me tear up too. I'm glad you won't have to look back and wonder. You should really look into being a "birthing" mentor!
ReplyDeletewhat a sweet man!! I am glad you have great support for your birth!! Take care!!
ReplyDeletePlease tell us what you are having!!!!! Pretty please......
ReplyDeleteWhat a great husband! I am so happy that you have been able to do your research and find the team that you wanted. I will be praying that everything goes well for your delivery too! :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Natasha! Good for you getting a Doula and that's awesome of your husband! I just wanted to share something that I learned recently from one of the Labor & Delivery nurses at our local hospital... some OBs say they will do a VBAC, but they never actually want to go through with it. So a really good thing to do is to call labor and delivery at your local hospital and ask one of the nurses there if the doctor you chose actually does VBACs or if they have any good recomendations. Ask me how I know ;)
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